I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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