I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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