can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
