This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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