Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize