You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
