Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
