Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
