Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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