She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
