you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
COCAINE IS GR8
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
