2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
