I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
