Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
