I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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