She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
