But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
