she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
