i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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