It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
