I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
