The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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