Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have feelings that need drinking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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