You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara