I'm so fucking centered right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am available for nakedness