So drunk its hurt
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
