No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times