i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature