My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.