It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to calm my uterus...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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