i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
