I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
