we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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