that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Enjoy the penises
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
