Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
