He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
