saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
