i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
