I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
