I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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