im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
