You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
