lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets