I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
