new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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