Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door