every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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