I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
