how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
