2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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