Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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