Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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