So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
handjob tips. give me some.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
