Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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