the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!