I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.