If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back