You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't deserve a penis
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society