And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!