your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.