Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN