have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here