i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
