We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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