You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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