dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
