a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
