We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
