I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
