I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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