Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
