I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
