I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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