There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
