Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
