Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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